Vampires vs Zombies?
All right, kids, I’ve dealt with enough real monsters in my time, so now, in honor of the upcoming Halloween, I’d like to focus for a moment on some fictional monsters. Specifically, I refer to zombies and vampires. Both have experienced a recent surge in popularity. But the most important question of all remains: who would win in a fight?
The answer, sad to say, is simple: zombies.
No, no, I’m not a huge zombie fan. I like zombie movies well enough, but in theory, vampires are way cooler. I mean, come on, they’re powerful supernatural monsters that can shapeshift into animals, horrible monsters, or even mist; suck blood from mortals, seduce women at the drop of a hat and still leave entire quaint European villages in a state of constant terror, right?
But here’s the problem. Vampires have changed.
Vampires WERE powerful supernatural monsters that could shapeshift, suck blood from mortals, seduce women at the drop of a hat and still leave entire quaint European villages in a state of constant terror. But thanks to Anne Rice and her ilk, they’ve become a bunch of mopey emo wimps. Or, worse yet, mopey emo wimps that glitter and sparkle. I mean… really?
Now look at zombies. They started off as random suckers who were poisoned by voodoo practitioners until they became braindead slaves. But over time, like vampires, the zombies changed, and became horrific, flesh-eating, nearly unstoppable killing machines. Or, worse yet, horrific, flesh-eating, nearly unstoppable killing machines that can outrun you.
Back in the day, it’d be vampires, hands down. But now? Now, alas, I’d put my money on the zombies. They may not be smart but they don’t spend all their free time putting on eyeliner, sighing, and worrying about hierarchies. No, they just smash, kill, eat, destroy, eat.
This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 at 9:14 pm and is filed under Everything Else Under the Sky. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
